I never thought Talib Kweli would be the one to remind me what I was doing with my life.

“You have to have hope for the future to be an artist.” – Talib Kweli

I took this winter class over my break, Watching Race in US Media (by Dr Paula Ioanide) and it had a very big impact on me. The winter class was a truncated version of Dr Paula's full semester course, but even in those two short weeks, I learned a lot. It unlocked another way of thinking and an ability to analyze that I had never really put much effort or thought into previously, but more than that it taught me a lot about things I hadn’t really thought about in depth before. Our class was focused on race in US media but through that it exposed me more to the social injustice that’s happened and still continues to happen in this country. And being a minority in this country, it definitely was applicable to me.

My mind, my eyes and my knowledge had been broadened and I questioned what I was doing with my life. We don’t really have gen eds at Murdoch University the same way we do here so I kind of jumped straight into my theatre degree, and as I’ve progressed through it, things inevitably got more and more specific to what we’re studying. Taking Dr Paula’s class made me think and feel like I had missed out on learning so much and made me question my decision to study performing arts. I guess one of my biggest goals in life is to help people and when I thought about why I was doing theatre and how it related to helping people, it didn’t quite match up in my head. I was doing dance and theatre because I loved it. It provided this outlet of expression with the things I had troubling saying; it made me feel less alone; and it brought me into this world where I didn’t really care what other people thought of me. Maybe I'm not the best dancer and maybe after, I do care about what people think of me, but in that exact moment when I’m dancing, when my body, the music, and my heart take over, I could not care less what anyone else thought of me. Even three days ago, I had this idea in my head of leaving school to take dance classes and auditions in LA or New York City. I’m not sorry that sounds so cliché. There is absolutely nothing wrong with those reasons, but I was very concerned that it seemed selfish and I wasn’t exactly sure what that said as a reflection of me or how it aligned with my goal of helping people.

I remember feeling really lost after our final Watching Race in US Media class and almost being in tears because I was feeling so conflicted.

But after participating in the staged reading of Dream Acts* and attending the Talib Kweli event tonight, I know that dance and theatre is definitely what I want to do. We'd had one rehearsal for our staged reading of Dream Acts and already at that level, it was impacting and the questions and discussions that followed after our performance was proof of that. People were learning things and asking questions – conversations were happening, knowledge was being gained and awareness was being raised. I sat at the Talib Kweli event tonight and I looked at all of these kids, students and community members that were there. A group of bros sat behind me and before the event started, all they were talking about was things like, “Yo, I wonder if he’ll rap for us”. I wasn’t sure if they really knew what he had come to Ithaca for. I wasn’t even exactly clear on what he was going to talk about, what he stood for. And I didn’t know how many other people in that room did. But one thing was really clear – they were all there to see Talib Kweli because they admired him. Maybe they didn't really know what he was there for, maybe they did; but they came and they listened, and they asked questions. As Macklemore raps in his song Otherside:  “Us as rappers underestimate the power and the effects that we have on these kids”. And it's true.

I guess I got lost for a moment, but once again, I’m seeing theatre, music, dance – performing arts – impacting and educating people, spreading knowledge, raising awareness, being voices for people who can’t speak up, beacons of hope for those who don’t know what to do.

This is what we’re here for. To start conversations, to enlighten and to make people ask questions. To be the voice to the voiceless, and the hope for the hopeless.

I feel very privileged to have been a part of Dream Acts and to have sat in the same room as Talib Kweli and listened to him speak about social justice and activism.

I never thought it’d be a rapper that would indirectly remind and reassure me that art, in its myriad of forms, is indeed what I want to do with my life and the medium through which I can help people.

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Dream Acts is fictional play about five DREAM (Development, Relief and Education for Alien Minors) act eligible youths and the challenges they face trying to live ordinary lives while being undocumented. This bill has been in review in Congress since 2009. As of the end of 2012, 8 states have implemented their own versions of the DREAM act. Find out more information here and here.

I Heart My Old Teachers

So apparently this week is Teacher Appreciation Week and in honor of Teacher Appreciation Week, I just wanted to give a shout out to some of the most awesome teachers I've had (I know I've already done a post like this but let's just have another run through of the list seeing as it fits the week).

Skye (Miss Hegarty) - Oh Skye, what would I have done without Skye? She was one of the best teachers I have ever had. Inspiring, encouraging, understanding and more like a big sister than a teacher. She brought a group of girls who had hardly talked to each other (some of us barely liked each other) before year 12 together and now we're this little dance family unit. Granted, I haven't seen a lot of the girls in a long time but without her, we would not even have talked. Now I love my dance family and I miss dancing with them so much. I could go on and on about Skye but it would take forever. She is amazing.

Mr Altraide - My school dad! He always managed to make me smile and laugh every day and he was so committed to helping his students do their best, even if that included sacrificing his free time to tutor us, spending money on providing food and drink for us during tutoring sessions, getting maccas for his mentorees and just always supporting us. I remember once when I was so stressed about WAAPA and I went to talk to him (because he was my mentor) and he was so cute about it. He was so awkward because I'd started crying and he was trying to calm me down with tissues, food and advice. And he was all, "can I pray for you? Trust God. It's okay". So sweet. Not to mention the NUMEROUS times I bitched to him about how much I hated physics and was so bad at it. He was my physics teacher. Now I kind of miss doing physics. Haha.

Mrs Gostelow - Brilliance. I probably would not be doing half of what I'm doing at uni or doing it as well as I am (I got a HD+ for an essay in a unit that I hate and hardly put any work in). I loved my lit classes with her and my lit family. Eating cake and biscuits and drinking tea while talking about poetry and plays and novels was pretty much the best. Studying lit at uni just isn't the same when I don't have my lit family with me. Probably one of the best things happened after I'd graduated. I took an Intro to Lit unit last year and when our first essay came around, my tutor told us to forget about everything we learned in high school because it wasn't right for uni or something (I don't quite remember right now). Anyway, for our second essay I decided to do the question on poetry (TS Eliot's 'The Love Song of J Alfred Prufrock'). Pretty much all of the notes I had was from when I'd studied 'Prufrock' in year 12. So basically everything for that essay was stuff from year 12 (I didn't really change the style in which I wrote my essays and my notes were as I mentioned earlier) and what did I get for that essay? A HD :). Thank you, Gosty, for equipping me with such skills. I miss our ponies!

Madam Henri - Ma mere de francais! Tiny and adorable! She was the one teacher who taught me all through my high school years and we spent so many awesome times together with our French family. She was so supportive and I miss French so much. She's one of the teachers I go to see first whenever I visit my old high school.

[Dr] Crombie - Where do I even start with Crombie? I've done a post on him too but he was such a story and testimony, such an inspiration. He was taken too early but I know he's in a better place and that I'll see him in good time. Rest in Paradise, Crombie. I miss him. We miss him. You can read the post about Crombie here.

Of course there are many other teachers that have made me smile, laugh, cheered me up and encouraged me. Too many to list but I hope they know who and how great they are. Take a moment this week to appreciate your teachers. Be nice to them, be thankful and grateful for them. They just want you learn, grow and for you to do your best, even if sometimes they seem like the worst teachers. And sometimes they are (trust me - I've had my fair share of horrid teachers, some of which I haven't been the nicest too either) but they're people too and everyone has feelings. Just smile at them this week, maybe.

On a side note - Happy International Star Wars Day! May the Fourth be with you :P.

Things I'd Rather Be Doing

Things I'd rather be doing than going uni:

1. Dance
2. Musical Theatre
3. Make Up
4. Reading
5. Writing
6. Singing
7. Designing
8. Dance
9. Drinking coffee
10. Dance
11. Reading
12. Performing
13. Musical Theatre
14. Learning the piano again
15. Dance
16. Singing
17. Make Up
18. Learning the guitar
19. Dance
20. Travelling
21. Musical Theatre
22. Singing
23. Dance

...

I think you get the picture.

I know I'm on holidays at the moment but I was talking to some friends last night about uni and doing what you love versus doing what to need to to survive and it just got me thinking (again) about my future and where I'm going to go with an English degree. Sigh.

Also, I went to my old high school's annual Choreography Night last night and it was a fantastic show. Skye (the head of dance and my dance mummy; I love her) has just done an absolutely amazing job. I was also reunited with my beautiful dance family who I have been separated from for faaaaaaaar too long. I miss dancing and spending time with them. I love you all!

Anyway, I'm itching to write something again but I haven't really had much inspiration lately. I'll start to write something but then decide after the first paragraph that I don't like it and stop. Boo.

Baddity...

A Blog is an English and Creative Arts major's best tool for procrastination...
:D

I Loved School

And by school I mean high school. Not uni. Uni's okay. It's only ever okay. But more about that another time maybe, I want to talk about my old high school!

I haven't talked about myself on this blog (it did start out as a place for me to just post my creative writing pieces) but my mind can't stop running (unfortunately for me...) and my itching fingers can't stop typing (unfortunately for you...) so today we're going to take a little trip down memory lane.

I went back to Winthrop today for their open day. My parents were running a stall and I went along to visit and hang out. I would've gone anyway even if they weren't helping out. Going back was fun, I got to see all my old high school teachers and some of my friends which was really good because I haven't seen some of them in a while.

First up, I went to visit my dance mummy, Skye. She was one of the most supportive people in my high school life and she's still there for me. I love her to bits. Dance has been such a lighthouse in my life, especially in high school where I really needed something solid to hang on to. In dance, I found my heart and passion, I found my family and I found a reason to wake up every day. It didn't matter that Skye only taught me for one year, what mattered was the impact she made and still does make on me. She showed me the sort of dancer I could be and she brought the other dance girls and I together as a family. Never did I think that I would be such good friends with the girls I had dance with but by the end of year 12 we were such a close knit bunch. We had come from such different social groups but through dance we created our own little family and world. She just invests so much time and effort into us and our talents.

Skye has inspired me so much (oh gosh, I'm tearing up...) and I can honestly say that I would not be the person I am today if I hadn't had met her. She encouraged me and supported me and loved me and laughed with me and cried with me and understood me. I wouldn't have given WAAPA a shot if she hadn't encouraged me, that's for sure. I'm not even sure if I would still be dancing if she hadn't inspired me. Year 11 dance had been awful. She had had a tough job when she took over. I remember thinking that no matter how much I enjoyed dance, if we had another terrible teacher, I would drop the subject. I'm so grateful that she came along to pick the pieces of our once fairly strong dance department up and weld it back together like new. She's an amazing and talented person with such a big heart.

Before I found Skye though, I ran into Madam Henri. Now, Madam has pretty much seen me grow up through high school. She's the only teacher who has taught me every single year of high school. Madam Henri is my original school mummy. She was my French teacher. She's so cute and I also love her to little itty bitty bits. Our French class was also very close. Wellllllll for me at least but that's something that I won't get into. By the time we got to year 12, there was only five of us and I got along very well with everyone (except one person which I will also not go into).

Madam is adorable. She is small, has big eyes, the LONGEST lashes, the curliest hair and is just the cutest. She probably won't like me saying that about her but I think she is. Teaching me for five years straight is an accomplishment. No other teacher has done that and as a result, we have grown very close. That and the small group of people we had in our class all contributed to the really supportive atmosphere our class had. I love her so much.

I also had to go looking for my school dad, Mr Altraide. Mr Altraide is one of the best teachers you will ever have and if he's ever taught you, you'll agree with me. He is a fantastic teacher and such a supportive one too. Most teachers just teach you what the syllabus says but Mr Altraide does that and so much more. He invests so much time and effort into helping his students and making school an enjoyable learning place for them. I have first hand experience with this. I did physics in high school and when I started in year 11, I absolutely hated it. I was pretty much failing it and no matter how much I complained and cried and whined about how much I disliked it, Mr Altraide's support and help didn't falter one bit. He would help me as best as he could, explaining the same things over and over again and telling me that it was okay if I didn't pass, I could always try again next time.

Year 12 was no different (although my hatred of physics wasn't as strong). I would be almost in tears telling him how stressed I was because I didn't understand it and I didn't want to be doing it but yet, he never told me to just drop it. He would come over and give me tutoring, stay back at school and give me tutoring, give up his lunch time to give me tutoring, always be on call if I needed help, he would pray for me when I did and didn't need it and so much more. All for free.

(On a side note - I don't know why I kept with physics. Now that I've gone through it though, I don't regret it. It's actually so helpful especially with dance.)

Mr Altraide was also my school dad because he was my year 12 mentor. At Winthrop, when you're in year 12, some of the teachers pick a number of students to be mentors for so that all the students have one. They just basically watch over you in the stress hole that is year 12. They were more than just teachers and mentors though, they were friends. I'll always remember walking into his science lab whenever (lunch time, after school, school holidays) for a chat or single or group tutoring and him always being ready with some food and drinks. The beginning of my conversation with him today when I saw him pretty much went like this:

Mr Altraide: Hey Des!
Me: MR ALTRAIDE! *big bear hug*
Mr Altraide: How are you?
Me: Good! How are you?
Mr Altraide: Me? I'm great! Want some ice cream?

And off he went to get ice cream from his freezer in his office.

He's not only is he like a dad to me, he's also pretty much a friend to my family. He taught my older sister when she went to Winthrop as well and my parents love him. It's not hard to though.

I should probably also mention what he looks like. He looks like a black santa, no joke. Round, jolly, ALWAYS laughing and smiling (as the Facebook groups go: you know shits about to go down when Mr Altraide doesn't laugh or smile), always with presents (food) and always ready with his massive heart of gold. He also has one heck of a life story and testimony. Even with the really sad parts, he still manages to tell them with a laugh. I've learned from Mr Altraide that when something really bad happens, you can either take it with a positive attitude or a negative attitude and the outcomes can depend on how you take it. So take it with a positive attitude and if things don't work out, then at least you can say you tried. I'm trying to do that but sometimes it's hard. All the same, Mr Altraide is adorable.

Special mentions also go out to these people:
Miss Talbot, who was a really great support in year 11. Year 11 was probably my hardest year (yeah, harder than year 12) and she was just a really great friend and support for me to have.
Miss Haydock, who I get along with like two peas in a pod! It's always a pleasure seeing her and chatting to her.
THE DON! Mr Hart is just champion. 'Nuff said.
Burto, who I can't believe is leaving WBC! And who I also cannot believe actually likes durian?! Ewww.

Going back to Winthrop not only gave me a chance to catch up with teachers and friends but I also got to realise just how much I loved that place. This isn't a new revelation for me, I knew when I was going to WBC that I loved it, but now that I'm not there anymore, I really do miss it. Maybe not so much the school work but most definitely the people and atmosphere. High school was hard for me, really hard at some points but I actually wouldn't change it for anything. Going through all the highs and lows and abysses (whether it be by myself or with the support of the people around me) has shaped me to be who I am and while I might not like some aspects, I wouldn't change any of it.

Thanks Winthrop, I really do love you :).

Sorry about the lengthy emotional rambling post but I thought it'd be nice to thank my old high school and teachers. MWAH!

two years

It's the day after the two year anniversary since Thailand and you were struck by lightning.
I was okay for the whole day until I said out loud what day it was and then I cried. I miss you.
Thank you for everything you did. For teaching me, guiding me, making fun of me, sharing with me, inspiring me. You were such a special light in all of our lives and I know that I wouldn't be the same if you hadn't had walked into my life.

I still remember your testimony, I still remember you telling me my school jumper was on fire and I thought you were kidding when you weren't, I still remember you teasing me about my height (constantly), I still remember you offering to help me with opportunities in my future.

I remember so clearly what I was doing when I found out what had happened. It was the last night of ballet concert and we were just about to go on for the finale/curtain call. Kirsty was waiting outside the senior's dressing room and when I walked past heading to the wings she called out that she needed to talk to me after the show.

After the show I went to the senior's dressing room to see that she wanted to talk about and she was crying. I thought at first it was because it was her last concert with SDA but then she showed me her phone. And I read the message on the screen and I didn't know what to think. I actually couldn't believe it and at first I couldn't cry. I had tears but I was just feeling so numb that I wasn't sure if they were forced or not. People I didn't know were hugging me, Kirsty and I were hugging each other. I just wanted to go home and curl up into a ball.

Megan came in looking for me (Erica was taking me home) and she didn't know what had happened. Erica did though (Kelly had sent her a message and told Erica not to tell me until after the show) and she took me home immediately, Megan holding my hand the entire time. Erica walked me to the door and hugged me, then passed me to my parents and sister who had already heard.

I got rid of my make up, took out my hair, took a shower and cried the entire time. I cried myself to sleep. I didn't go to church the next morning and I cried when I woke up. Michelle called me from Thailand later that day in tears and I felt so bad that I couldn't hug one of my best friends.

We had your memorial service about a week later. Kirsty and I went to Cottesloe after and we just sat and talked. We went and bought some of your favourite things - tea and chilli among other things - and when the sun was setting, we threw them into the ocean because that was another thing you loved - fishing and the outdoors. There were other people there but we kept to ourselves. We were all there to celebrate you. You were such a strong man of God and inspired every single one of us - we wouldn't have been there otherwise.

I don't know why God chose to send you home then but I'm just so grateful that he sent you into mine and other peoples' lives. I will never forget you nor what you taught me and how you inspired me. Thank you. I know you're in a way better place with infinitely cooler people and that I'll be seeing you again. So until then, I'll be trying to live life the way you did.

My Future... heh

What do you do with a B.A. in English
What is my life going to be?
Four years of college and plenty of knowledge
Have earned me this useless degree
I can’t pay the bills yet
'Cause I have no skills yet
The world is a big scary place
But somehow I can’t shake
The feeling I might make
A difference, to the human race.
- Avenue Q