Photo courtesy of To Write Love On Her Arms
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The countdown begins. From months to weeks to days to hours
to minutes and, finally, to seconds.
9
2012 was a year. Big decisions were made; lives were relocated,
new members of the family were welcomed; multiple goodbyes to multiple people
were said; many laughs were shared; a lot more tears were shed; growing up and wising up was
done.
8
I never really understood the need for all of the
celebrations and fireworks, but then again I’ve never been a New Year’s person;
never really celebrated it much. To me, it was just another day. The clock
striking midnight has never been a moment of significance or change for me. It
was just the transition from another day that I had lasted through into another
day that I would hopefully survive.
7
I never make resolutions because I know I’ll never keep
them. I’m never able to hold the promises that I make to myself.
6
New Year’s has always come with a sense of poignancy and
nostalgia for me. Midnight comes with remembrance for everything that has happened
in the year just passed, and relief with the fact that I’ve survived it once
more. Midnight comes with the uncertainty of what the next year will bring, and
a vague sense of hope that maybe it
will be better, if only just a little bit.
5
I am not going to make any resolutions or promises of improvement
for next year. I already know that it will be challenging in many ways. And why
should one day be dedicated to making the decision to change and be healthier,
happier, wealthier, better…
4
Maybe it’s in that one moment. A moment of thrill,
excitement, adrenaline, anticipation, trepidation… The expectation and hope for something
else. Something better. The moment when an old year becomes a new year. When an
old you can maybe become a new you. I know it’s not easy. Change is scary and
it takes time. Acceptance, healing, recovery, forgiveness… Wounds heal but
scars stay and is it all worth it?
3
I am scared – no, terrified – of what 2013 will bring. But
right now, if only for a moment, I will welcome midnight.
2
Happy New Year.
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