The Realness of TWLOHA.

Dear Blog,

Today I met Jamie Tworkowski! He was so nice and dreamy and he called me Beth by accident and now it's a big joke between us and we're biffles now!

- as dictated by Meg Rindfleisch

Fangirlness aside, it was a really amazing night. Jamie Tworkowski is the founder of To Write Love On Her Arms and he spoke at Cornell University on the 22nd of February. I would never have gotten such an opportunity like this back home (at least not for a long time) and I am so grateful to be alive and to be here in Ithaca to experience it.

I didn't know what to expect for tonight except honesty and conversation. Music is an important part of TWLOHA and so as usual, Jamie had a support act. He had Anthony Raneri from Bayside with him on tour this time and it was great. Jamie just shared the story of Renee and the beginning of TWLOHA and what they've been doing lately. It wasn't really anything that I didn't already know but that's not what made the night and the whole experience so wonderful and worthwhile. For me, it was being able to spend time with the other TWLOHA-ICers that I don't usually spend time with in the meetings, to talk to them and get to know them and to spend more time with the ones that I did. Community and conversation is such an integral part of TWLOHA and I was so glad to be able to just spend time with them; members old and new, and now friends.

It wasn't even just about me spending time with the other people in the group. It was about the bigger community coming together with the common goal to reach out to people struggling and to let them know that they're not alone. Apart from us and the people from Cornell, there were kids from one of the local high schools and even someone from Cortland who had driven in. Some people hadn't even heard of TWLOHA before but they understood how it feels to hurt and to be alone or how important having a community and support is.

And yes, we did get to meet Jamie after the event. We got to talk to him and take pictures and thank him for everything he's done for us through TWLOHA. And yes, he did rename me Beth after I had said I was from Perth (how he ended up at Beth from Perth is beyond me).

Tonight was unbelievable. It was honest, open, comforting and loving. So thank you to Renee, Jamie, To Write Love On Her Arms and my TWLOHA-Ithaca College family for existing. I haven't been so honestly and truly happy in almost ten years as I have been here and as cheesy as it sounds (and hey, we love our cheese!), for the first time, I feel like I have people I can actually turn to and talk to without feeling like a burden.

Photo courtesy of Karalyn Mark.

St Valentine's Day

Today is the 13th of February. I went to my classes, did my work, saw my friends; nothing out of the ordinary.

Tomorrow is the 14th of February. I will go to my classes and meetings, do my work, see my friends, and do nothing out of the ordinary.

Except for a lot of people, tomorrow the 14th of February is one that they'd rather not face. Tomorrow might remind them of broken relationships, lost loved ones. It might make them feel even more alone in a sea of people than they already do. Tomorrow is Valentine's Day.

Valentine's Day wasn't always what it is now - a day that's become primarily about Hallmark cards and letting other people and material gifts determine your place and value in the world. It was originally St Valentine's Day, a day honoring the Christian martyrs, Saint Valentine (there were at least three of them), at least one of which had been martyred on the 14th. It wasn't until poet Geoffrey Chaucer penned:

For this was on seynt Volantynys day
Whan euery bryd comyth there to chese his make.

["For this was Saint Valentine's Day, when every bird cometh there to choose his mate."]

that the romantic traditions started occurring. The day had originally started out as a day to honor a saint and his good works. Years later, it was removed from the General Roman Calendar but yet it still continues as a day where one would send letters, cards, flowers, chocolates, candy and stuffed toys (often in varying shades of pink and red) to loved ones. Or potential loved ones. And what happens when you don't receive any letters, cards, flowers, chocolates, candy or stuffed toys?

It took one poet and his one line to turn St Valentine's Day into what it is now, and somewhere along the way, we've just accepted what we've been fed. We've bought into this idea of Valentine's Day - that you're not loved if you're alone on this day. That you're not cared for if you don't get anything. That you're not worth it if you've been left behind.

But it's not true. Love isn't something you can materialise. It's not something tangible that can be represented through chocolates and flowers and cute teddy bears. I've never been in love, but I understand what it's like to feel alone. It's not a flaw to be lonely, and it's not wrong either. It's natural and it's inevitable when you open your heart up to someone. Love and loneliness, we cannot have one without the other.

I have every reason to hate Valentine's Day this year. Broken hearts and promises, stomped on feelings and confusing mind games in the last year have given me every reason to despise it this year. But I don't. Because I'm really not alone on this day, and neither are you. I have friends and family and I'm not about to let one day in the year and the absence of a person decide how I see myself. I hope you don't either.

This year, don't let Valentine's Day be entirely about someone else. Let it be about learning to appreciate yourself first before being able to appreciate others. I know it's difficult and even I'm learning as I go, but I know that the end will be much more fulfilling and purposeful.

And anyway, we shouldn't need a designated day to show the people we love that we care about them and appreciate them. We should always show them that.

To Write Love On Hejr Arms is holding their annual Valentine's Day Doesn't Have to Suck chat on absolutepunk.net. If you're feeling alone this year, I encourage you to join in. You're not the only one.

Happy Valentine's Day :).

Source: thenotebookdoodles.com via Desiree on Pinterest