Fears vs Dreams: Thoughts from Applefest

The weekend just gone was Ithaca's annual Applefest, which is the town's apple harvest festival. The Ithaca College To Write Love On Her Arms UChapter (University Chapter) had a table there and I was helping out. Despite the freezing cold and dismal rain, it was one of the happiest days I'd had in a very long time.

So for those who have never heard of To Write Love On Her Arms, TWLOHA is a non-profit movement devoted to reaching out and helping people suffering from depression, addiction and self-injury, and investing directly into treatment and recovery. We believe in conversation and community. We believe - no, we know that you're not alone in your hurt and fear. We believe that your best and brightest days are ahead. We believe that you are loved more than you can ever comprehend, even if it's sometimes hard to believe.

I started the day not knowing any of the people I was going to be spending the day with but I didn't care. The whole weekend was scheduled to be freezing, windy and rainy but I didn't care. I had an 8-10 page assignment due on Monday and three plays to read but I didn't care. I was involved with TWLOHA and I was spreading the word. That's all that mattered.

We had a bunch of stuff available at our TWLOHA table; we were doing henna 'love' tattoos in different languages, selling TWLOHA merch, we had contact information for local and national hotlines, selling silver ribbons but what I was most excited about was the Fears vs Dreams project that we decided to take part in.

The Fears vs Dreams project started as a road trip where TWLOHA founder Jamie Tworkowski and photographer Jeremy Cowart travelled around collecting people's fears and dreams. They would get people to write down a fear and a dream and take a photo of it. You might think it sounds silly and pointless - "I'm not afraid of anything." - but it's not. Sometimes it's easier to admit these things in forms that aren't verbal, I know it's like that for me, and some times you need to admit these things, to voice them. What you might find is that you're not alone in your fears and insecurities or your dreams and ambitions.

I sure thought I was in mine. I spent about half an hour trying to work up the courage to write down one of my fears and dreams and when I finally managed to pen "Fear: To be alone and unloved. Dream: To be genuinely happy with who I am", the girl next to me read it and went, "that's my fear and dream too". I thought I was the only one who had those insecurities. It's so easy to look at someone surrounded by people and think that they don't have to worry about having no one. But that's not what it means to not be alone. You can be in a room filled with people you've known your whole life and still feel alone.

What I discovered at Applefest was that so many of us share the same fears and dreams. We fear living a life alone and unfulfilled and dream of making an impact and living a life filled with love and happiness. But yet, we don't talk about it.

People are scared to admit their fears, and even their dreams. They're afraid others will laugh at them, look down on them, think less of them. Well, they probably share the some of the fears and dreams you have and maybe they react that way because they're scared to admit it to themselves.

You don't have to be. To have fear is absolutely normal. It's so human, it's boring. But that's what makes it great. Maybe we don't all share the exact same fears but some of us do and it's a comfort to know that you're not alone. Fearing doesn't mean you're weak. It means you're alive. It means you feel. It means that when you get past what you're afraid of (and you will), you're going to be wiser and stronger than you were before.

And dreams. Dreams give us something to wake up for everyday. They give us hope and motivation in a life that's so short and uncertain. They give us a future.

Maybe your dreams are what your fear. That's totally okay. That's more than okay, it's good. Get past those fears and shoot for your goals. Take that uncertainty and turn it in to motivation. It might take some time and it might be slow but when you get there, it'll be all the more worth it.


Photo courtesy of Karalyn Marks.

If you'd like, share some of your fears and dreams with me.

Learn more about To Write Love On Her Arms here.

Learn more about Fears vs Dreams here.

See more photos from Applefest here and here.