“We are surrounded by other people and that each person is
living a story and every single story has questions and pain of its own. If we
only ever think about ourselves and our drama, we will miss the priceless privilege
of stepping into the stories around us. We have to fight to not get lost in our
own pain. We have to fight to remember the good, the things we love around us,
the things not lost, the things that we are thankful for. Don’t buy the lie
that your story is just a tragedy. And don’t buy the lie that you are the only
character in your story.” – Jamie Tworkowski, If You Feel Too Much
It’s hard to know where to begin, whether in conversation
with someone or with yourself. But that’s
always the first step. This week was a hard week for me. It started out
troubled, frustrated and confused and I’m not quite sure if it improved as the
week went by or if work distractions and commitments led me to indifference and
apathy.
But it’s only now on this long weekend that I feel the
hollowness inside. When I have a moment of stillness, my thoughts echo through me and remind me tenfold that I’m not as strong and brave as I hope and
wish to be. But I’m still here, and each inhale and exhale means that I’m still
breathing. We do what we can to get through the days, whether that’s work,
exercise, coffee, long walks, medication, friends, family, quiet moments,
therapy, crying, laughing… Most days I feel really alone here and the
listlessness, loneliness and depression can become overwhelming. It clouds my perspective
and makes remembering why I’m still here a struggle. It makes me forget how
lucky and grateful I am for the community and friends I am surrounded by, even
if we are continents apart. It is those people that always bring me back to
myself. People need each other. Each sunrise is different, and we have to see
every one. I’ll be the first to tell you that I don’t always believe what I
say, that I forget that other people are their own stories with their own
struggles and I am their community too. But I try even if some days are much
harder than others. People need each other, and perhaps it is in the dark that
we find in each other comfort, companionship, understanding and trust.
This past week has been World Suicide Prevention Week, and it’s probably just me that never noticed that it falls at the same time as September 11, so let’s just take a
moment to remember everyone who’s been lost, directly and indirectly from that
day and its aftermath. As I go through this period pulled between two different places, it seems
like it’s more prevalent than ever to remember that you and I are not alone.
Hurt and pain is different for everyone but the story is universal, even if no
one talks about it.
I can imagine how heavy hearts were present this week, for
all the mothers, fathers, sons, daughters, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, grandparents,
nieces, nephews and best friends lost before they should have. It’s okay to
have bad days, even if those bad days stretch on for weeks or months or years. Whenever
my nephew starts crying, I often find myself telling him that it’s okay and
that I’m right there for him. There are people here for you, and I am one of
them.
